9.5.05

End of an Era

After all these years using a_stupid_box as my moniker, it's time to put it to bed. The reasons for using this name are simple and the story behind it is repeated elsewhere, so I won't bother to cross-post either here.
With my impending release from jail I find myself in an interesting position. I've grown up a lot from this experience. I see before me the opportunity to become a new, better person or to stay my old course and not really ever take that final step into adulthood. In a way, this signifies the loss of my innocence. I can no longer use the moniker a_stupid_box in good conscious because I've learned its potential sexist and derogatory meaning to some people.
I've always tried to seperate my real self from a_stupid_box -- he was the loud, angry person that I wasn't in real life. Sure, our goals and opinions were the same, but we were two distinct entities. In recent years, however, I adopted a_stupid_box's persona -- my own latent anger and arrogance -- onto my primary character. Perhaps I felt jealous of the infamy that a_stupid_box had gained?
But I've changed, both outside and inside, and that's not who I am anymore. I'm no longer the silently arrogant, long-haired, social isolationist I used to be in real life nor am I the loud, mean, superiority-complex ridden misfit that a_stupid_box was/is. I've learned to more appropriately direct my rage, I've learned to respect others who may not possess the same skills in the same amounts that I do. I've learned that sometimes it's what you don't say that shows you know what you're talking about.
So it's time to put away childish things. I find that I burned a_stupid_box's candle at both ends, and that the light was not brilliant enough to compensate for the shortness of his utility. This will be the last post on this blog.
However, from the ashes of a_stupid_box's cremation there will arise a new light.
Sedodes

19.3.05

[RANT] Then and Now -- Purpose?

Back in 199X I decided to create a personal web site. A friend was going to host it and all was going to be well. I learned the ins and outs of HTML and designed a beautiful page with some of the latest techniques and features (CSS, Java, etc.)

Then a funny thing happened - I had to add content. Keep in mind that I was only 1X years old, and as such, had nothing really important or insightful to share. As a result, I scrapped the idea as I personally disliked the flood of useless personal sites that were flooding the Webscape.

Fast forward a year or two. I find the Meaningless Drivel Home Game (since, Enlightenment With a Vengeance. Find it yourself, no link). Less than 10 images. Wonderful content. Inspiration. I designed a simple site, in defiance of useless crap. Once again, though, when it came to content I was stumped. Idea abandoned.

Over the decade or so since, I picked up and dropped off the website idea because I just couldn't add yet another personal site to the internet with nothing of interest to anyone who didn't know me. Then, one day I get pissed off at two of my favorite websites for becoming too liberal and too conservative (one each) and decide that my viewpoints must be made public. Voila, this page.

As I look through the content, I find little that is interesting or useful to anyone who doesn't know me. Perhaps this is because of my recent lack of availability to be outraged at news (due to lack of news itself) or perhaps it's because I generally lack the ability to stay focused. ADD be damned.

In either case, I feel I need to narrow the scope of this blog in oder to provide entertaining/useful content. Hopefully, by the time I'm released in June I'll have done just that. Until then, no updates. Don't act like you're heartbroken.

24.1.05

[RANT] Pointless Changes

After about seven years of having long hair, as similar to my picture (and at times longer), I've finally got it cut. As such, the picture you see on this site is outdated.
And, if my opinion and that of everyone else who said anything is of any consequence, I look a lot better. Especially since I'm balding (at the ripe old age of 23) and it isn't so prominent now.
In related news, I seem to actually be a near-blond. It never looked that way when my hair was long. Crazy. I'm still not used to not sweeping my hair back over my shoulders, though it is a welcomed absense of nessessity.
Okay, enough self-centered ranting. My next post will be more meaningful, though it may not come for a while.

6.12.04

[SILLY] God Hates Creativity

Roll a pair of dice. Any time you roll it, you'll get a number between two (2) and twelve (12). There are twenty-one (21) possible outcomes (one (1) and two (2), one (1) and three (3), ...). This means that your odds of getting any one specific pairing is one (1) in twenty-one (21).
These are not terribly wonderful odds, but chances are that if you roll the dice one-hundred (100) times, you're more than likely to hit the same pairing twice.
Hence theory A is proven: Any system with a set number of variables can repeat any outcome of those variables.
Still with me? Good. Now, to roll the dice multiple times, what must happen? Well, first off, the previous outcome must be "removed" -- If you rolled a two (2) and a one (1) the first time, you must "break up" that outcome to produce a new one. And what must happen for something to be broken up? Time must pass.
Time as we understand it is always passing, and we all know that everything which has a beginning has an end. In essence, everything gets "broken up". Don't worry, it's not a bad thing, just a true thing. As far as anyone knows, time is "infinite" -- at least, it will be until either our universe or our perception of time is "broken up".
When applied to Theory A, we get: Any system with a set number of variables WILL repeat any outcome of those variables.
The universe we live in is a closed system. We know this because if there were infinite space there'd be infinite energy and infinite heat, and the fact that the Earth (and all matter) isn't superheated to infinite temeratures is proof of there not being infinite energy. Also, no matter or energy is being created or destroyed (remember your high school physics?).
Here's the fun part. Any closed system must eventually "collapse" -- if the universe were to collapse, there would be an amazing compression of all matter and energy within, creating a "big bang". Some of you see where I'm going with this already. Our universe may have existed before.
So taking what we know and applying it to theory A, we get: Any universe with a set number of matter and energy will repeat any combination of that matter and energy.
We're all made of matter. Information is transmitted via matter with a push from energy -- indeed, every word you've spoken is merely a vibration of particles, and every thought a pulse of electricity.
Assuming time is infinite, and that there have been an infinite number of other "universes" before us, everything you can do or will do has been done before; and by an exact copy of yourself, too! But don't worry; infinite coppies of ourselves will do the same things long after we're all gone.
Einstein once said, in regards to Quantum Mechanics (basicly, physics theories pointing to the universe being inherently random), that he was "... convinced that He [God] does not play dice."
It seems that not only does God play dice, but that we, in all our human arrogance and grandeur, are merely outcomes thereupon. To Einstein's credit, however, at least God doesn't vary the number of dice :)

1.12.04

[RANT] Holidays, Interrupted

This is the first time in my life I've missed Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family. My semester is almost over. I am overcome with a lot of very strange emotions, so extreme and so conflicting that I'm left merely with confusion as to what they are.
I'm used to being a bit depressed at about this time of year, as I tend to be hit quite hard by the whole "lack of sunlight" thing. It would seem I've ample reason to be depressed, too, as I've pretty much nothing in my life right now except for my health. Yet I'm not depressed.
I'm also used to being proud about this time of year. Annother year completed, I can look forward to dying sooner (rant to come re: death being the "goal" of life). I'm also close to completing my first semester of college. Yet I'm not proud.
What I'm left with is boredom and confusion. I don't like it. Well, the confusion I like, but the boredom I don't. I can't even seem to come up with immediate goals in my life, and as such I fear that more than ever I'm going to be without direction. I find myself asking, "Yes, you've gone to school. Yes, you're going to more school. But what have you done, what are you going to do?"
Cliche questions under normal circumstances -- particularly in my book. However, they are failing to just go away as they normally do.
Looking back, I've accomplished nothing. Looking forward, I'm probably going to accomplish nothing. Right now my existence looks bleak and jumbled. Especially when one considers that getting a job with any kind of theft (esp. a felony!) on your record is nearly impossible. This doesn't even phase me, however, and that's what worries me.
Sad or happy, anxious or relaxed, I'm used to feeling something. Right now I'm numb -- and that's when bad things happen. As best as I can tell, it stems from immense frustration, because this "numbness" was the same way I felt when I couldn't stand my job or my general living situation. This lack of feeling resulted in the burglaries that I'm currently incarcerated for.